Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
