I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
