I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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