Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
