Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
