I faked an abortion last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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