she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
