His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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