you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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