this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
