In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
