Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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