grandma shit on top of the toilet
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
