He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
