He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
