You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
