Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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