i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
