Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
