it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
