I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
