I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
