I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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