so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
