we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize