You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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