Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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