In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
