It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
