I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
two words...techno handjob
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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