its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The air was thick with penises
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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