So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
