mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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