how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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