so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
