dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
