my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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