dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
