Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
even my farts smell like vagina
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
