I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
