dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
