Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
