Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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