Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
