What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize