i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
