Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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