Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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