She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
too bad you live with your parents still
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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