'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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