Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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