bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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