Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
