she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
