You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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