I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
