i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
