Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
