I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
