I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
